Friday, February 19, 2016

Two words. Many problems.

Rape culture. 

Domestic violence. Sexual assault. Speaking out. No justice. Court fails. Free rapists. Free abusers. No support. Move on. Be strong. Don't complain. Stop crying. Do something. You lived . Slut shaming. Victim blaming. Support system. Court system. Took everything. Robbed me. Stolen life. Won't end. Still hurts. No idea. Not me. Really Happened .no evidence. Some bruising. Rape kit. Disappointed parents. Empty inside. Drink more. Get help. Seek counseling.fake friends. Better choices. Jail time. Why me. He's out. I'm broken. In shock. Not better. Kinda normal. Fucked up. Other victims.young girls .time heals. False love.its over.constant Flashbacks .emotional triggers. Crazy girl. Good kid. Weird lady. Rape victim. Abuse survivor. My story. 

Our country has got to do better. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Kanye & Pablo .

I think I identify .

Grief is such a deeply personal experience .until you're grieving. Then you realize you hold no ownership in the estate of your own pain. It's the house of everyone watching you Juding you experiencing before after and during your time of loss.its their house of your grief and they tell you where to sit in it.they tell you when to get up and get out and get over it.
 They decide how long you're allowed to stay within the walls of your grief . They decide how you are supposed to feel.
In grief you discover just how heartbroken you are and how heartless the world is. 
Thats what kills the last part of you left after your loss.... Discovering that you're bleeding out and no one truly gives a fuck and they don't want you to give a Fuck either. That's where the monster is born.
After about the 40th sorry for your loss and urge to act normal and "move on"
 When you're a creative you're already existing as a functioning island. We take different ferries to normalcy but generally we spend a life on our island wondering how we got there wondering why God made us this way ...
 Banished to this complexity of life trying to understand what to do with  this beautiful island to explore ... But resenting to do so Virtually alone , 
sending them smoke signals showing them that yes we are existing way over here, thinking just the right spectacle will bring them in to validate our existence immortalize our legacy & be tangible evidence that we deserve human contact & adoration.
 , the other time in attempt to convince ourselves that we are just fine left out shut out kicked out of the very world we wish to reflect.  yelling fuck it and fuck you and surrendering to a life of solitude and introversion.  Because after all. Self love is all that's truly needed. They don't have to get it. 

I call this the cycle of the artistic mind.

Thus my understanding of "the life of Pablo "as an album title.  this epiphany came after binge watching narcos last night. Pablo Escobar was a drug trafficker....(the best at it actually ) that desperately wanted inclusion from politicians , oligarchs, respected affluent members of the government. Even though he had to buy his way in ,squeeze his way in ,force his way In. THATS where he wanted to be even to the risk of his actual craft ....and when they made it clear that they wanted him out he threw a tantrum. 

Not unlike Kanye and fashion .... And his emotions.
Pablo for president. ...Kanye for president ....

My high school acting coach told me .... "you spot it you got it. " there's something in me that identifies ,seeing as I'm able to spot that in each of them. I've yearned to be great to be iconic ,longed to belong in the world of the affluent. I went to Marymount Manhattan for christs sake. Then when I didn't feel like one of them I juxtaposed in the worst way,  All while numbing the affects of trauma , grieving significant losses. It happens..... It happens in public when you're great. 

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Song writer problems

Up writing songs. Thinking about how to write better songs. And what a good song even means in 2016
Writing songs ....

It's such a thing. I can't quite describe the thing but I can describe what it means to me. 
A song that we call good resonates with people. It has a way of viscerally sitting in someone's life experience so easily. A good  song writer is a master at this. But also a "good song" can just be a song that is easily digestible and easy to regurgitate by the masses. So being good at creating something people can swallow make you a good songwriter? 
This too is qualifiable. If we let the bubble gum pop era happen how can we judge this trap era. Both music teetered on the line of remedial sometimes. But those by all accounts are good songs. SEE MY PREDICAMENT!?!? 
So how. How does one balance telling my whole life with (his) song .... And speaking for the masses !? 
I think that I am a great songwriter.  But I want to be better I want to be awesome I want to be one of the best. So I'm always studying always searching always pushing myself to find the best ways to journey through complexity to a place of accessibility.

Friday, December 4, 2015


Had the honor of speaking with young girls most of which were survivors of sexual assault on dating violence and domestic abuse. I definitely want to do more as an advocate to raise awareness and ultimately end this terror that has been going on too long against our women with my DoMeStic2it cause. 

I call it waiting to exhale brown.

I've completely fallen in love with this new lipstick hue. 

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Life and shit

Miscommunications lead to complications. 

As I travel the road of development I find more often than not that people are incorrigibly connected to their own perceptions. People aren't just people. People become subject to definitions others place upon them.  Once someone is committed to believing something of you to be their truth they will force themselves to see that limited view of you they found in the whole of you. Be clear that doesn't define you it defines that person it defines the needs of that person. 

Monday, September 28, 2015

He'll know. By iMANIROSE

 the ONE will never ever leave her. 
Not when she's broken&bruised, dazed&confused...
Not when she's sick&stired , or pain's extinguished her fire. 
he'll edify her anew
He'll be her refuge
When she needs him the most 
He holds her close
Their love can only be described 
As by god's own design. 
He'll evoke her laughter 
Silence her mind's  chatter. 
He won't scold her , he'll care 
Her burdens he'll bear 
Of her truths he's aware  
He knows when she's scared. 
The man of her dreams knows
life without her's a nightmare.